September 17th, 1970...

... on the eve for my 37th I'm feeling pretty good. Busy and Good. Rehearsals for 'Glass Menagerie' are going into their third week, next week. The assistant directing thing is actually quite fun. There's plenty of work to be done being the gopher but, again, it's experience that will bring more opportunities to other things with the theatre. Who knows?

Anyway, getting back to the birthday. I'll be going about my typical monday, set building at the theatre. Thirty-seven! (Wow! that even TYPES long!) I've not given too much thought about my age (feel younger then the calendar dictates). There are so many things going on now that sitting here pondering my existence is non-productive time so... Whew, that's better! Glad to get that out there.

I'm assistant directing, on committee for the ICTL Festival in March of next year, still set building on monday (2 plus years and counting), ushering as much as I'm able, potentially going to house manage the theatre for a day during the '12 a.m.' run in the studio theatre (still working out the details on that). I'm thinking about taking that day off so I can let the actual house manager enjoy more of the day off up at the Acorn Theatre, in Three Oaks. We'll see how much head-bashing it will take to get Greg to give me yet another saturday off. Should not be that big of a deal... we've got Adham.

I've come to a new realization about my presence at the frame shop... it's growing stronger. There seems to be a transition taking place in terms of my being this assistant manager to something more affluent in how I relate to people who come in. I'm not anxious like I felt I used to be. My pace has reached a level where I can cruise through things and the clock seemingly moves slower than ever before (and more is getting accomplished). We're going into a lull of sorts with walk-in business but, like all lulls, it will pass. I've never been with an employer this long so everything that happens with me at work is a new experience (a better understanding of my character and temperament... and a chance to see if I will truly age gracefully... man, I sure hope so). Ob-la-dee, Ob-la-da, life goes on. Cheers!

'No End In Sight' and 'Big Losers'

For those of you who know me well, I have found myself rather social/politically opinionated. I don't buy into the notion of the mainstream (of anything) and I do certainly question everything that is put before these eyes and my other senses. Well, this entry will hit on two subjects, the Iraq occupation and the Irish football. The first in quotes title in my title line is in reference to the film of which I saw this evening. We, as a country, are lead by a powerful circle of very corrupt politicians that simply wish to better themselves at the rest of the world's expense (not to mention all american citizens). We've brought about massive killing in the the occupation of Iraq (estimates suggest as many as six hundred thousand people). I'm learning more about our desire to have and display for the rest of the world our ability to boast about gloat about things that not only effect society but, eventually ourselves. It should come as no surprize that this country has had a serious that our actions have had every bit as much of influence upon the entire insurgency uprising and the sinly fact that we can't just pullout and come home. We've screwed things up not only in the governing process but also to ourselves. The United States is that proverbial bully who just showed up on the scene and wants nothing more than to reign over everyone without contention.

Ahhhh, Notre Dame lost it's season opener to another unranked football team (Georgia Tech). I cannot help but smile about the failings of the university. Ahhh...

Le Vie En Rose

It's been quite some time since a film has made such an impact upon me. The Edith Piaf biopic (at the Browning Cinema) was simply a tour de force work of cinema. It drew the full range of emotions throughout. Marion's performance of Piaf was stellar. The story of her life's work is something to be revered by all who find pleasure (as I do) in music. I've yet to acquire a recording of hers but, that will certainly happen now. This is the one element of music that still takes me by surprize. It's ability to draw me in and simply enjoy it. I care not for where it comes, so long as it comes and plays. Her passion, as with anyone's passion, draws and shares inspiration to share one's talents and abilities with those who are willing to take in all in. Edith Piaf... a legend.

'12 A.M.' to 'Glass Figurines'

On Wednesday, I received a call back from the director of '12 a.m. (psst, 12 Angry Men) and went in to read once again. Once again, I felt good about how it went over all (the director did as well, I was told today). He called this afternoon to let me know that he had cast the show. I almost made the cut for juror #5 but, as he put it, '...someone else just edged you out for that part...'. A bit disheartened am I? Well, just a little but, you know what? I was thrilled that I was chosen for call backs on Thursday. He felt that my portrayal of that character was very good and that he certainly saw my ability and that is just as important to me as getting a role. It creates a reference point for the future that may allow me to be cast for something else in another production. It was suggested that I try out for 'A Christmas Carol' and think I will do so. The auditioning process is a bit uneasy for me but, not in a way that distracts me from my purpose... to audition. It's simply a necessary tension that in some cases, causes an auditioner to either cave or climb out and give a great audition. I gave two nights of great auditions. I will try again for 'A Christmas Carol' (probably in October).

On the other side, and this is a good thing, I will be helping with another show for SBCT, Tennessee Williams 'The Glass Menagerie' in the latter part of October with another director/friend. We talked back in April when I was stage managing for her for 'Zombies From the Beyond' and I will be at least stage managing if not assistant directing with her. So, I have something to do this fall regardless. Actually, in many ways, it will be more fun working with her show than 'Jurors' simply for the fact that we have a good friendship with one another. I'm looking forward to it, again.

One last note, non-theatre related. I went out for dinner this evening and saw a customer of the shop with whom we've done a number of pieces for over the last oh... five years. Well the last time he was in he looked very different. So much so I nobody recognized him... until he spoke. Some people have a very distinctive voice (much the same can be said of singers). Anyway, he was diagnosed with cancer about four months earlier and was going through chemo at the time (and he looked it too). Well, it was a bit disheartening when I asked this gentleman, '... do you have a son named Glenn Teer?... He responded, '...I am Glenn Teer'. He looked twenty years older in light of the treatments. Fast forward to this afternoon. I walked into 'Las Esperanza' for dinner and who I see... Glenn! We recognize one another and exchange greetings. He's doing and looking well these days. He said in parting, 'everyday that I can get up and enjoy another day is a good day'. I responded with, 'everyday above ground is a good day'. We agreed. It felt good again today... I am still above ground.

Loves Labour Lost

Tonight, I'm reminded of my independence and the sacrifice I continue to carry with me... well, just me. I think about love and devotion to another and it leaves me feeling trapped in this life that I've created of being alone. Most of the time, I'm content with my life. Other, rare occasions, I feel disconnected from everyone in the vicinity. I encounter these beautiful women and they're happy, beautiful and (usually) married. I look and talk with them and I think to myself, I'd do almost anything to be with someone like her. The one's that seem to be attracted to me are not what I feel meet my expectations (and yes, looks are important. Anyone who tells you otherwise, is lying) and naturally the ones that seem to find me attractive are the ones that I would prefer not to be involved with... plain and simple. Yet tonight, I find myself wanting that closeness and affection from a woman that simply wants to be with me as much I want to be there with her. I'm not, again. I am a hard line critic of anyone who falls short of my expectations of her. Is that fair? Probably not so much but, that's just me. Marriage still does nothing for me. It's an interesting concept but, in practice, it seems rather miserable to live up to. I believe in love unconditionally. That means that I do not accept the 'rules' that we place upon the emotion of love (i.e. marriage and all the process that we confine love with). In making that choice, to love openly, I will surely shy away far more women than not (unless, I become 'famous'. Oh well, their loss (and perhaps, mine as well until we meet one another). Love is not a mistake. Marriage and the conventions of what we define as love to another person are. Virtually every other species is more accepting to these lack of parameters, why are we so 'special'??? Who knows, it could happen, in due course.

12 Angry Mammals Audition

Enjoyable. That's my first impression of the auditioning process (and it stands). Sure, it can be a stressful environment but, you know, if one goes into it with a focused goal (i.e. giving your best audition) the rest has no bearing. I felt myself going into that mode that I've experienced onstage. You get into character and have fun with it. I'm enjoying the 'being someone else' that makes it fun to delve into a character. In terms of 12.A.M., I was placed in the 'Foreman/Juror #1 role and Juror #2 role. How did I do? I felt comfortable with the roles and feel that considering that I went into with only one viewing of the teleplay, I fared pretty well. That's not to suggest that I think I'll get a call back. I just felt, personally, that I gave a good audition. I'm going back to read again on Tuesday if I'm not too tired from hanging the pictures for student activities on campus. Call backs will be on Thursday. I'm hopeful that I hear back. If I don't, that's fine as well. I put it down on my sign-in information sheet that I have a possible opportunity to work on 'Glass Menagerie' on the main stage in the stage manager/asst. director position if I I don't get a call back. It's important to me that I am being an active member of the theatre and that simply put means that I will do just that, be active. I understand that there is a balance of 'need' between a director and a performer... we need each other. If, in the director's view, that I didn't give the kind of performance that was their expectation that doesn't mean that I gave a poor rehearsal. It means, to me, that perhaps they have a specific preconceived notion of a character portrayal. Maybe they don't choose a person for a number of different reasons. I felt good about the night, I hope I conveyed that in my audition performance as well.

On a side note, I shared with Mr. C. my intention to be an extra set of hands for the set building for 'Buddy'. He was pleased and of course, discouraging me from really having to do that. SBCT has my focus and desire to help it be a great community theatre. It's great that I've found and environment that allows me to delve into my creative mode and enjoy it at the same time. I take it seriously and, on some levels, not all, personally. It reminds me of how I felt when I started custom framing all those years ago. Intriguing. Framing is my expression of my serious business side and theatre... well, it's about designing and building sets. It's about creating character and investing one's personal experiences into a persona that is not one's original design. A few years back I perceived some of the theatre people as being these great people that I couldn't relate to. My how things have changed. Now, many are good friends. I know, I'm going all squishy again but, you know, it's how I feel. I raise my organic mango juice bottle in 'cheers' to all of those friends that I've come to know in that last several years through the theatre. Another GOOD day above ground.

The Work Ethic

I've come to this realization as of just recently. I enjoy being active and productive. I do also enjoy my 'down time' as well. A man of extremes would be me. I've been accustomed to working two jobs since '93. That was when I was working at the grocery and at the independent music store (Martins and Tracks Records, respectively). Even today, while it's not a paying job, the theatre has provided me with an outlet by which I'm able to channel my energy into being productive and creative as well. When I'm 'down', it's usually quite the boring time as well. That seems to come on mucher sooner than in years past... my boredom. I need to be doing more with the theatre (and these days, I'm doing quite a bit, for a volunteer). Speaking of which, I'll be returning to my active status with the theatre as of tomorrow. I'm auditioning for '12 Angry (mammals) Men'. I'll be going into the audition cold. I think that will be easier for me to get myself psyched up for it. I expect to see a number of familiar faces at the audition. It's been asked of me if I feel nervous about auditioning... not especially. Reason, I go into it with a clear mind and the realization that I do want a couple of particular jurors but, the director my very well see me more suited to another juror role. Perhaps, the director may not call me back. That does not mean that I'm a lousy auditioner. It probably means that I'm not their 'vision' of a particular role. There will be a next time I'm sure... as always. If in the event I'm not called back for '12', there will always be the 'Glass' I have an opportunity to assistant direct with a good friend of mine. Regardless, I will be in the 'busy mode' once again until the end of October. And then... who knows.