Memories for Mom

Mother's Day. I think back to those days around my mother's passing and all that whirlwind of what felt like a tornado (at least in my head). I also find myself recalling the moments of clarity and the things that I had said to various family and friends. One conversation that comes to mind today relates to the question posed to myself: What do you miss the most about her? To look at this question on the screen of my computer... I wonder how one could answer that question in the context of the time in which all of that chaos was occurring. I remember my answer... ' I miss her for the future as much as a I miss her now'. All the changes that life puts to each of us and that in the progression of time we change our perspective on the world and upon ourselves too. I often wonder how my life would have been different had she recovered and lived on. Do I wish her back? Yes and no. I miss her for all times and changes in my life that have occurred over the past nine years. I do not in order to save her from he suffrage of her final few years. I've had some lowdown moments and some very heartfelt moments. I do miss her for the future. She saw me out of the nest per say but, not to far out of it. I know that if she were still here, she would indeed be quite proud of her son. This I do know.