Indifference With Love

Something that has plagued me for as long as I can remember... my indifference to love. Now, don't misunderstand this as a 'cry for help' kind of situation. It's more of a specific part of the makeup of who I am as a human being (yes, this may get deep and a bit confusing, so bear with me as I navigate these still waters). Most days, it's more of a positive feeling or self-preservation. Other times, well, it's quite selfish and at odds with most people's way of thinking and carrying on. Either way, this does convey to others a certain level of indifference that has many sides to it (too many to explore here in one blog entry, it's a lifelong process). I tend to be drawn to experiences and people who seem to be much the same. I think there is a great deal of the 'me' notion going through society on the whole. We latch on to that feeling of detachment and peeling away of feeling. We want the the right thing only right now and can let go of it as quickly as it comes upon us (and sure, you can and should change the 'we' in all of these sentences to 'I' or 'me' if you feel the desire... after all, it is my blog entry). These are my thoughts and perceptions and they certainly apply to myself as well and the general population. There is also this 'nesting' characteristic taking place (growing older, I would imagine) that is removing my inclination to change the 'nest' to allow anyone else into it. I have always struggled with this part of my character, sharing myself and the muscle pounding away inside my ribcage. Yet, I long for the affections of a young lady (and that does change on a daily, sometimes by minute basis). I think to myself what would it be like if there was someone to wake up to every morning and lay down with every night. I'm excited by the romantic notions of love but, not the love itself. Superficial? Perhaps so. I am very extroverted when I'm out and about with friends and I would like to think I'm fairly sociable (even attractive or so I dare say). Even this afternoon, someone with whom I have an alluring attraction to is still, in my eyes, beyond my grasp emotionally. I have this affinity to younger ladies than myself (and physically attractive plays a role in that very much so... even though 'attractive' to me has been a wide and varying range). Attractive is more of an embodiment of many obvious traits and many invisible traits that attracts each of us to one another. Attraction transcends numerous characteristics (damn, I'm talking in what an old flame called 'circles' again). I want Love. A romantic, siren song, comfortable feeling love that doesn't become too comfortable. One that challenges each of us in ways that makes the love stronger and enduring. Love that makes the end of the day calming as the morning that shines upon our faces. I want that 'EveryDayDream' that I had written in poetic verse some time ago (poetry.com... look it up, you'll understand what I mean). I want to overcome this indifference and become someone else's purpose as much I want that from her... whomever that may be. Life is still good... it can only get better.