Enviornmentally Conscientious

I'm back on a serious note... Recycling is the topic. I have been doing just that for fourteen years now. I actually dispose of one thirteen gallon trash every four months (I know, sounds kind of gross, doesn't it?). Not really, if everyone would take environment situation more seriously, we would have a far better place to leave behind for future generations of all life on this planet. It's a very compelling thing for me to do to help that happen. Unfortunately, when I was loading my car up with all the recyclables and headed down the short drive to the bin. I open up the bin and see virtually no one else's recyclables in the bin... I sighed with utter disgust at the sight of an empty recycle container (aside from my filling about a quarter of it with mine). What is the matter with us? Do we not fully realize that we are quickly turning this planet into a giant trash heap? It's amazing how ignorant people are (or perhaps, they simply do not care for only the simple reason that, 'hey, why should I care... I won't be here when it all comes down on us'). Really? Are you sure? I ask you to think about your children and your friends with children every time you throw that so called 'trash' away. Who's going to pay for your mistake, now? Think about the future. I say all this not being married or have my own children... and I do care what happens to YOUR children and their future. Recycle... Recycle... Recycle. (and then keep doing it... teach them to do the same for their children). Instill in them the values that we've given no regard to and the reason why we are in the disaster we are all in now. Bring about change at home.

Constant is Change

I've had a good week of down time and... I'm bored... again. I needed this time to do some of the things that I've been neglecting (i.e. laundry, planning my automotive repairs and getting ready for the next big thing with the theatre, ICTL Festival. Auditions for both 'Arabian Nights' and 'School House Rock' are this coming monday and tuesday. I'm tentatively going to help with 'Nights'. The tentative part of that is the fact that the director has yet to accept my offer to help. If, for some reasons that may be revealed to me over dinner on tuesday or wednesday, that I am not a part of that production, I shall inquire with one that is in the rehearsal process at this writing, 'Unexpected Guest' or see if I can jump on board with the director of 'School House Rock' in some way(s). We'll see. When I was out picking up lunch today, I spoke with a dear theatre friend of mine and he shared with me that one of the cast members from 'Man of LaMancha' is searching for individuals to play the roles of famous historical americans for school children. One would need to read a couple of books on that particular person and create a dialogue/scripted presentation of that historian. It sounds interesting. I'm not terribly big on american based historians but, it would be a paying gig. That does make it sound interesting. Apparently, my name was brought up in this conversation and when I was asked about it today I said I would possibly be interested in it. I might get a call from my former co-cast member this week about it. I'm going to hold out giving an answer until I know where I stand with these other possibilities. It could be a great opportunity to get some performance time under my belt. I need it. I've got a great many goals for myself in 2008 with regards to my theatre work. I will learn to operate either or possibly both lights and sound operation (perhaps even, programming them as well). The director of 'West Side Story' has indicated that I'm being considered for the stage manager for the show this summer. I'll need an on-stage manager as well. If things go as I hope they will, I will be running either lights or sound for the show as well... that's my intention, at least. Here I go again.
Work, on the other hand, has been quite slow so, my active theatre work will keep me in an active state of mind from a creative perspective. I did just finish up a Steeler's football jersey sign by Bettis and designed a nice collage arrangement of patches and a Sports Illustrated cover in with the jersey. While I could not give two shits about the subject matter, it did come out looking the way I had envisioned it to be... AWESOME! It was a labour-intensive project but well worth the time spent (even though it wasn't exactly challenging other than getting the desired effect of matting around the patches and the magazine cover). The construction of it was quite easy. Things do tend to work out quite well when I plan and design things with some prefaced thought. This one is another example of that. Time takes time.

Ahhhhhhhhhhh...

That pretty much sums it up. 'Forum' closed on sunday afternoon and we strike the set and had a healthy portion of the cast at hacienda for one last cast dinner party. It was another great show and I enjoyed that 'good stress' that theatre gives to me. I noticed though, and so have a few other people, that I slipped up on a few occasions and did not perform all of the responsibilities that I should perform. It does bother me when I let people down. I try to do the best I can but, I do make mistakes and I do hear about them (and I do hate making them). I am human. The break between shows will certainly do me some good. I have other things to attend to that I have not made the time to do... like... laundry (there goes an entire day). I am awaiting my tax returns which I should have by mid-february, at the latest. That money and the money I have from my annual bonus from the shop will go towards the next credit card pay off and into the car for some much needed repairs. I've spoiled myself and little bit with about five hundred dollars of it. I'm keeping myself reigned in much better now that I ever have. My discipline has evolved into being more aware of my spending. It's all good.
I keep thinking about what I'm going to do next. That 'bug' for theatre has become a frickin' 'hive'. My drive to do all that I can while I can is working full steam. I think about the experiences that I might miss out on and I re-motivate myself to get back into the thick of it again. The fact that I know I will come home and spend time on here, typing out my feelings and thoughts is some form of release and something that keeps my mind active. It's my mind that wants to keep my body in action. I'm very glad I discovered theatre. I hope that it continues to be my major outlet of creative process in the future as well. I just need to regulate myself and make sure that I do not over-commit myself to too many things at one time. The reality this time was that the demands of 'Forum' on me were not excessive but, when topped off with my thumb in recovery and the holiday stress at work. It did have a negative effect upon me. I need these next couple of weeks to regain myself and gear up for the next show. And now, a little rest and relaxation. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.

My Emotional Wall

I have spent the better part of my adult life single (come to think of it, I managed to be single in my youth as well). It seems that as of late, I find myself allured by the fairness of the opposite sex. I still worry that the reality of my life and who I am mat be a detraction to people. I know that we all have some variation of 'baggage' in our lives but, I do believe that another person's perception of my life may not be what they want to allow into their life. While all things change, we do tend to focus on the present and make decisions and yes, pass judgement on others for what we feel to be acceptable or unacceptable based upon those perceptions. I have the sense that it may be closer to me now than ever before... romance. It's been almost a decade since I left these emotions to lay and rest. It is indeed true, love does change one's perspective from take to give in this life. I have lived without someone else there for so long that I may be growing into the lifestyle that I unconsciously shall remain single for the lack of desire to be anything but single. I want this to change... soon.

Magic and Loss

A title to a Lou Reed album that came out, I believe, in the early nineteen ninties. The last couple of days I've been introspective about how I relate to others and how fortunate I am to have the life I do have. Today, as an example, I ushered for the theatre and in the course of it came in a group of ladies (three little ones with their moms) and they all were dressed in their sunday best. One in particular caught my attention. She was the tallest and perhaps the oldest. She wore glasses and just had a sweet disposition about her. I found myself looking at her and reflecting back to when I was much younger and how life was this big wonderous thing out there and I had someone holding my hand, walking me through those days. I think that kids get to have the biggest adventures. They get to experience the world with eyes opened wide. Simple pleasures of life. I sometimes get caught up in the grown up world that I forget about the 'little ones' coming up. They are a constant reminder that while being a grown up is cool. Being a kid is truly our golden years in life (with a big smile). I miss being a daddy at this stage of my life. I don't miss being a husband. Kind of makes both impossible. Without one, the odds on the other one aren't very promising. Tomorrow never knows.

What 'Love' is not...

I was doing my laundry down the street and in walks this couple who appeared to be about in their early forties (possibly late thirties with a very stressful life) and they proceed to launder. At least she did. I just continued to fold clothes and just listen and observe their character and communication traits. As I listened to their conversation, I realized that this small woman came across to me as being very uncomfortable and insecure. While the man was not terribly supportive (or even helpful with the laundry) he came across as not being too terribly bright in the bulbs. I understand more so now that some people tend to use love as an excuse to get married. Love should be unconditional regardless of one's marital status. What I was witnessing today was something not that came from love. It came from desperation. Some use love to get married to escape their loneliness and do it more so for that escape clause factor and less for love. It was a bit trying to listen to them as she talked to him and listening to him respond back to her with indifference or idiocy. She would speak in kind tone in one moment and be very short-fused in the next. He was the typical male that thinks of a woman as a possession and she probably was raised within that belief system as well. This quiet desperation in her every movement and word spoken. His almost completely non-existent emotions would probably only allow for him to emotionally react to... ANYTHING with some level of decency and understanding for this small woman. I fail to comprehend how one allows them self to be that demoralizing to another person and that other person simply accepts it in. I was disgusted by what I was witnessing between these two people. In those moments. I realized that people fail and ruin love by getting married and setting some definition of what 'love' should be to and for them.